How the rabbis looked at marriage TB Ketubot 2

Today we begin massekhet Ketubot. This massekhet primarily discusses the laws of marriage, nesuin נשואין. Back in the Talmudic days marriage was a two-step process. The first step was betrothal, kiddushin or erusin קידושין  ארוסין. Betrothal was separated from marriage by one year. The couple did not live together nor did the husband have any financial responsibility towards the bride until nesuin. The ketubah is a premarital contract that not only stipulated responsibilities of the husband and the wife to each other, but also included a large sum of money to be paid to the wife in case of death or divorce.

The rabbis looked at the institution of marriage in two complementary ways. Romance played no role in the first way. The wife is seen in the marriage as a helpmate, ezer kenegdo, עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ. The primary purpose of marriage is to propagate and have children. Obviously a man cannot do this alone. Marriage also allows the man to channel his sexual drive in an approved way so he doesn’t sin. On the other hand, the rabbis came to see that romance does play an important role in marriage based on the verse ““It is not good for the Human to be alone- לֹא־ט֛וֹב הֱי֥וֹת הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְבַדּ֑וֹ”. (Genesis 2:18) These two understandings of marriage will constantly play a role not only on today’s daf TB Ketubot 2, but throughout the massekhet.

The first Mishna frames the marriage with the understanding that the wife is an ezer kenegdo. “A virgin is married on Wednesday and a widow on Thursday. The reason for the former is that twice a week courts convene in the towns, on Monday and Thursday, so that if the husband had a claim concerning the bride’s virginity when consummating the marriage on Wednesday night, he would go early the next day to court and make his claim.” (Sefaria.org translation) Rashi ד"ה בַּיּוֹם הַשֵּׁנִי וּבַיּוֹם הַחֲמִישִׁי explains that the rabbis want the husband, who is angry to discover that his wife is not a virgin as claimed, to go to the court immediately. The court will then open an investigation to ascertain the circumstances whether or not the husband is permitted to remain with his wife.

In the first possible scenario the woman had consensual sexual relations with another man before she was betrothed. She is still permitted to her husband. The husband may readjust the sum of money that was in the prenup to match her true status. In the second possible scenario, the woman had unwilling sexual relations with another man during the period of betrothal. She was raped. She is still permitted to her husband with the exception if he is a kohen. The first doubt (safek- ספק) is when the sexual encounter happened and the second doubt is whether it was consensual or not. This is a classic example of two doubts or in Hebrew a safek sefaka (ספק ספקא). In a case of a safak sefaka we rule leniently and the husband may remain married to his wife. To clarify what exactly happened the court needs to open up investigation immediately in order to ascertain whether the man may remain married to this woman or he must divorce her. As you can see, marriage is a legal state between a man and woman where romance plays no role.

But if the courts meet on Monday, why doesn’t the Mishnah permit couples to marry on Sunday? The court can just easily open up an investigation on Monday as on Thursday. The second understand marriage underpins the Gemara answer to my question. “The Sages were assiduous in seeing to the well-being of Jewish women and instituted that the wedding take place on Wednesday, so that the groom would exert himself in arranging the wedding feast for three days: Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and on Wednesday, he marries her.” (Sefaria.org translation) When a husband makes sure that wedding party is wonderful for the sake of his bride, their mutual affection is kindled. Romance is definitely in the air.