Fear is a mind killer

I remembered today what Frank Herbert wrote in his famous book Dune.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Let me explain.

At my annual physical my primary care physician took an EKG. He was a little concerned that there was an extra beat or some other anomaly and wanted to send me to a cardiologist. In the middle of January I saw my new cardiologist and he did a battery of tests. One of the tests showed perhaps some kind type of blockage. He wanted me to come back for a stress test to see whether I need cholesterol lowering pills. Great one more pill I would had to take.

I was really nervous after that appointment for a couple of reasons. First of all, there is cardiac disease in my family. I believe my grandfather George Greene died of heart attack when I was about two years old. My father had two open heart surgeries because of blocked arteries. The first was when he was only 48 years old. He needed a third open heart surgery because the vein they had transplanted became blocked too. There was just no more room around the heart for another vein transplant. He needed to take blood thinners and went on complete disability in his 50s. I’m already 66 years old and despite my exercise and diet routine was genetics catching up with me? Secondly, I had to take a nuclear stress test because I couldn’t get on to the treadmill because of my physical limitations due to my bicycle accident. I didn’t know what to expect. My OT didn’t help when they speed up my heart he said is like having a heart attack. Fear is a mind killer.

The test turned out to be quite easy. Actually the drug doesn’t speed up the heart, but rather dilates the arteries. The only thing I felt was a slight flush in my face. It was almost over before it began. After looking at the pictures of my heart my cardiologist said whatever was on the EKG was a glitch because I was just growing older. All my numbers are great and I’m in good shape. In other words, I had absolutely nothing to fear or worry about.

All those hours wasted with the anxiety. Fear plagued my mind day and night. Fear is a mind killer. I should have remembered the beginning and ending of Psalm 27, “the Lord is my light and my salvation-whom (or what) shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom (or what) shall I be afraid?... Had I not the assurance that I would enjoy the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living ...Hope in the Lord. Be strong and of good courage! O' look to the Lord!”