How do you know she is not a virgin! TB Ketubot 10

Daf TB Ketubot 10 brings many scenarios when the groom claims in court Thursday morning that his bride wasn’t a virgin. He says “I encountered an unobstructed orifice (פֶּתַח פָּתוּחַ מָצָאתִי) when I consummated the marriage.” (Sefaria.org translation) I especially appreciate Rav Naḥman’s response when a man came to him with this claim. “A certain man who had never been married came before Rav Naḥman and said to him: I encountered an unobstructed orifice when I consummated the marriage. Rav Naḥman said in his regard: Flog him with palm branches [kufrei]; prostitutes [mevarakhta] are common around him” (Sefaria.org translation)

 Rashi and Tosefot disagree how the last sentence should be punctuated. Rashi believes that the sentence should be punctuated with a question mark. This man is flogged because his slandering the good name of a Jewish woman for how is he an expert knowing whether she is a virgin are not? Tosefot punctuates the sentence with a period. As he was never previously married, how was he able to determine whether or not the orifice was unobstructed, if he did not gain experience with prostitutes. In other words he is licentious and should be flogged for his bad behavior.

I want to introduce you to the webpage Talmudology. Each day, together with thousands of peopleacross the world, Dr. Jeremy Brown studies a new page of Talmud. Talmudology combines his interests in science, medicine,history, and the study of Talmud. On this website he reviews classic Jewishteachings on science, and evaluates them in the light of we knowtoday. You will find a new post when he encounters anything of scientific interest in the one-page-a-day Talmud cycle. He studies everything from algebra to zoology and anything else that takes his fancy. Below is an excerpt from his commentary on TB Ketubot 10.

 

THE HYMEN

Hymen was the Roman-Greek godof marriage.  Anatomically, the hymen is a fleshy membrane that is part of the female external genitalia. The evolutionary explanation for the hymen is not certain, and several theories have been proposed - none of them very satisfying.  In the Talmud the assumption is that this membrane is intact until torn during a woman's first intercourse. This causes bleeding, and hence the reference in the Torah of a father "spreading the bedsheets" to show proof that his daughter had been avirgin when she wed.

 

THE DOCTOR CAN'T ALWAYS TELL (AND NEITHER CAN THE HUSBAND)

In a 1978 paper, two gynecologists described a small study of women who were virgins, and concluded that the hymen is intact in only a proportion of cases. In a more recent study, 52% of women who had past intercourse were found on examination to have an intact hymen.  The doctor just can't tell. And neither can the husband. 

DON'T BLAME THE VICTIM

The Talmud elsewhere describes a family in Jerusalem whose women were allowed to carry chains around their legs on Shabbat. Why were they given this permission? Rabbi Yochanan picks up the story:

There was one family in Jerusalem who took large strides when they walked and consequently the hymenal membranes of the young girls in this family would fall out. (ArtScroll note: "This was unfortunate, since an intact hymenal membrane serves as proof of a bride's virginity".) The elders made garters for them and put a chain between the garters, so that their strides would not be large, and as a result their hymens did not fall out. (ArtScroll note: "According to one interpretation cited by Meiri, the chain makes a sound when the steps are too rapid and forceful; thus, the sound itself reminded the girls to take delicate steps.") 

This is, to say the least, a difficult story to understand. But modern medicine is fairly clear on the subject.  All girls born with a vagina have a hymen.  "If hymenal tissue cannot be identified" wrote three experts from the Department of Pediatrics and the Sexual Assault Center at the University of Washington, "traumatic disruption should be considered as a possible cause." And an Israeli study  from the Bellinson Medical Center in Tel Aviv of over 25,000 newborn girls came to the same conclusions.  I know other cultures have their own taboos around virginity, but their taboos are not my concern right now.  The taboos of my culture are.  And for every girl and woman who was a victim of them, I am sorry. So very sorry.

RAV MOSHE FEINSTEIN ON WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

In 1973 Rav Moshe Feinstein (d. 1986), was asked by a newly observant woman if she needed to reveal her sexual history to a man she was dating.  Rav Moshe's remarkable sensitivity to this question can be felt through the words of his legal response. Yes, here and there are some remarkably sexist words, but put them aside and look at the big picture. Look where Rav Moshe went with this.  

Regarding whether you must tell the man who may want to marry you [about your sexual past, and not being a virgin] you must indeed tell him, but you don't have to do so the first time that you meet- because at that stage it is not clear that he wants you. In fact at that stage it would be forbidden to tell him. Only after you are certain that he wants to marry you - when he has already told you and spoken about the marriage arrangements - then you must tell him. [Explain it to him this way:] It once happened when you were not thinking clearly and you were not able to withstand the man seducing you, and you immediately regretted your actions and were sorry that you had done this. [When he sees your sincerity] he will understand from your words that he does not have to worry that this would happen again if you were married to him.  For he will see your qualities and will not regret his decision [to marry] because of what happened in your past. He will recognize that you are a woman who observes the Torah and its mitzvot, and he will believe that you will not countenance repeating this behavior, and you will be a woman who is in the service of her husband as the Torah mandates. 

But what about the Ketuvah - the marriage contract that is read aloud at (orthodox) Jewish weddings? The text is clear "that so-and-so is marrying this virgin"! How, asked this woman of Rav Moshe, how can we put this in the document when it is not true? 

Regarding the writing of the Ketuvah, you need not tell the rabbi who is officiating.  Since the groom is signing the Ketuvah he is agreeing to the use of the term "virgin" - and there is nothing else to be worried about. He will be bound to the legal terms as if you were a virgin, even if in truth you are not, so long as you did not mislead him....And I bless you that God will accept your repentance and that you will  not stumble again with any transgression; that you will follow the path of the Torah and build a fit and proper house in Israel. [signed] Moshe Feintsein

This letter from Rav Moshe reminds us what it is that is of real importance in a marriage: Honesty, fidelity, compassion and forgiveness.  It's a wonderful lesson to carry with us as we study the rest of Ketuvot.  (https://www.talmudology.com/)