The Gemara on daf TB Moed Katan 20b explains who the relatives we are obligated to observe all the rites of mourning and its source in the Torah. “§ The Sages taught: With regard to all of the relatives mentioned in the Torah in the passage referring to priests, for which a priest becomes impure, (ritually unready. Normally a priest instructed to remain ritually ready and not come into contact with any dead body. However, concerning the following people he is allowed to become ritually unready by attending to their burial.-gg) a mourner must mourn for them. And they are: His wife, his father, and his mother, his brother and his unmarried sister from the same father, his son, and his daughter. The Sages added other relatives to this list: His maternal brother and his unmarried sister from the same mother, and his married sister, whether from the same father or from the same mother. One mourns for these relatives, although a priest would not become impure for them.” (Sefaria.org translation) Simply put, we become official mourners for our mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, and spouse.
Starting at the very bottom of
yesterday’s daf and continuing on
today’s daf TB Moed Katan 21 we learn
that the mitzvah of krei’ah (קְרִיעָה-rendering one’s clothes as a sign of mourning) is done standing
and its source. We have a choice of two verses in the Bible. “Rav Ashi said to Ameimar: From where do we derive that rending
must be done while standing? He responded: As it is written about
the deaths of Job’s
sons: “Then Job
arose, and rent his coat” (Job 1:20).”
(Sefaria.org translation) After some discussion, the Gemara decides there’s a
better verse.” The Gemara concludes: Rather, this source must be
rejected, and instead the halakha is derived from here, the verse
that describes David’s
mourning over his son (Amnon-gg): “Then the king arose, and rent his
garments” (II Samuel 13:31)” (Sefaria.org translation)
The sages recognize that even during the first week of Shiv’ah, the depth of mourning evolves. The deepest mourning happens on the very first day of Shiv’ah, then comes the first three days, followed by the last four days of Shiv’ah. How the mourner behaves during the week of mourning depends upon the day of the week of Shiv’ah.
The first topic is putting on tefillin. Although there is a
disagreement between Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Yehoshua about tefilin, the halakha follows Rabbi
Yehoshua. “Rabbi Yehoshua
says: For the first two days, a mourner is prohibited from donning
phylacteries. From the second day, and including the second day, he
is permitted to wear phylacteries.” (Sefaria.org translation) although the
wording is cumbersome, the meaning is clear. The mourner refrains from donning tefillin only on the first day of Shiv’ah and that is the halakha. (Shulkhan Arukh, Yoreh De’ah, 488:1)
As I have written earlier Shiv’ah means seven in Hebrew
corresponding to the seven days of mourning. Perhaps the following is the
source where people mistakenly believe the only really need to sit three days
out of the seven. “The Sages taught the following baraita: During the first three
days after his bereavement, a mourner is prohibited from working, even
if he is a poor person who is supported by charity. From this point forward,
he may do work privately in his own home if he needs to do
so. And similarly a woman may spin thread on a spindle in her
own home when she is mourning.” (Sefaria.org translation)
Although this
case doesn’t come up often, the Gemara gives clear instructions and how to
behave and what to do. “The Sages taught in another baraita: A
mourner during the first three days after his bereavement may not go to
another mourner’s house to console him. From this point forward,
he may go, but he may not sit among the consolers, but rather in the place of
those being consoled, i.e., with the mourners in that house.
Finally, the
Gemara discusses greetings during the week of Shiv’ah.§ “The Sages taught in yet another baraita: A
mourner, during the first three days after his bereavement, is prohibited
from extending greetings to others. From the third day to the
seventh day, he may respond when other people address him, but he
may not extend greetings to them. From this point forward, he may
extend greetings and respond in his usual manner.” (Sefaria.org translation)
Rabbi Isaac Klein writes in his book
A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice “Social greetings present a
problem. According to some authorities, such greetings are forbidden if they
involve an elaborate ritual with an edited of its own, but informal greetings,
such as the modern ‘good morning’ and ‘how do you do,’ are permitted (Y.D. 385
in Ba’er Heitev 2). Very pious mourners, however, do not greet other people
doing the whole Shiv’ah period, and respond to greetings only from the third
day on ( Y.D. 385:1).” (Page 289)
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