Monday, March 23, 2020

Arguments can get out of hand TB Shabbat 17


Today’s daf is dedicated in honor of my children’s, Hillel and Lily, anniversary.

I’ve been making phone calls to all my members to all my members to find out how are they faring during this period of self-isolation. Many of my members live in small apartments with not a lot of space to be alone. Families with children whether in a small apartment or house can easily get on each other’s nerves. Tensions can rise. The Gemara relates a time when tensions rose to a fever pitch between Hillel and Shammai in the study hall.

“And another of those (18) decrees is the matter of one who harvests grapes in order to take them to the press. Shammai says: It has become susceptible, and Hillel says: It has not become susceptible. Hillel said to Shammai: If so, for what purpose do they harvest grapes in purity, i.e., utilizing pure vessels, as in your opinion, since the grapes are susceptible to impurity by means of the juice that seeps from them, care must be taken to avoid impurity while gathering; and, however, they do not harvest olives in purity? According to your opinion that liquid that seeps out renders the fruit susceptible to impurity, why is there not a similar concern with regard to the liquid that seeps out of olives?

“Shammai said to him: If you provoke me and insist that there is no difference between gathering olives and grapes, then, in order not to contradict this, I will decree impurity on the gathering of olives as well. They related that since the dispute was so intense, they stuck a sword in the study hall, and they said: One who seeks to enter the study hall, let him enter, and one who seeks to leave may not leave, so that all of the Sages will be assembled to determine the halakha. That day Hillel was bowed and was sitting before Shammai like one of the students. The Gemara said: And that day was as difficult for Israel as the day the Golden Calf was made, as Hillel, who was the Nasi, was forced to sit in submission before Shammai, and the opinion of Beit Shammai prevailed in the vote conducted that day.” (Sefaria.com)

We all know how bad things were when the day the golden calf was made. The children of Israel worship an idol instead of Hashem, God. Moses broke the two tablets he was carrying down from Mount Sinai when he saw the Israelites dancing around the calf. The Levites slew there fellow Israelite who had given themselves over to idolatry. Moses ground the calf to powder, strewed it upon the water, and made the Israelites drink it. (Exodus 32) That indeed was a terrible bad day. Now can you imagine the tension and anger in that study hall when Hillel and Shammai disagreed? It was so thick you probably could have cut it with a knife. Eventually though things calmed down for we know from our previous study that the day after these 18 cases were discussed, a consensus was formed between Bet Hillel and Bet Shammai.

Perhaps you saw online or read in today’s Washington Post the viral rant of one Israeli mother stuck in the house with four children. Here’s a video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=13&v=8U6zU4MXmnA&feature=emb_logo (it has subtitles ) and here is the link to the article where you can read her rant https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2020/03/22/if-we-dont-die-corona-well-die-distance-learning-israeli-mom-with-four-kids-home-loses-it-heres-her-rant/. Frustrated she says, “It’s only the second day. If we don’t die of corona, we’ll die of distance learning.” I recommend you watch her rant and see how her tone changes at the very end.

How many of us feel that way already? And we have weeks if not months ahead of us in a confinement. The best advice I can give you when arguing is escalating is to stop and take a deep breath. Take a timeout. When both of you are calmer and able to discuss whatever is bothering you rationally, that’s the time to discuss the issue. Don’t let it escalate to be a day that was as difficult for Israel as the day the golden calf was made.


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