We began yesterday the seventh chapter of our massekhet. This chapter is devoted to vows husbands and wives make. These vows impose an obligation that impacts their relationship.
According to the Torah the husband has the right to annul his wife’s vows; however,
if he doesn’t object to the vow, the vow stands. Remaining silent upon hearing
the vow is understood as not objecting to the vow. “If she should become
someone’s [wife] while her vow or the commitment to which she bound
herself is still in force, and her husband learns of it and offers no objection
on the day he finds out, her vows shall stand and her self-imposed obligations
shall stand. But if her husband restrains her on the day that he learns of it,
he thereby annuls her vow which was in force or the commitment to which she
bound herself; and YHVH will forgive her.—” (Numbers 30:7-9)
Today’s daf TB Ketubot 71 by
quoting Nedarim
79a teaches
that there are some vows that husband does have the power to annul and there
are some vows he does not have the power to annul. “These are the cases
of a wife’s vow that the husband may nullify: Cases of vows that involve
affliction, such as when the woman says: If I bathe, I forbid myself
to benefit from it; or if she says: If I do not bathe, i.e., she vows
not to bathe at all; or she vows: If I adorn myself (with perfumes. Perfumes
were used the same way we use deodorants.-gg); or vows: If I do not adorn
myself, all of which cause her to suffer. Rabbi Yosei said: These are not
vows of affliction, which the husband may nullify, but rather, these,
i.e., the following, are vows of affliction: Such as when she vows that
I will not eat meat, or that I will not drink wine, or even that I will
not adorn myself with
colored garments, as not wearing colored garments can cause shame to her as well as to her
husband. But vows that affect her alone are not considered vows of affliction.”
(Sefaria.org translation)
At least to the tanna kamma vows that
involve affliction like refusing to bathe will impact the bedroom marital
relations, as you can well imagine. According to Jewish law a husband may annul
his wife’s vows that involve affliction. These kind of vows include not to wash
nor to adorn even if she prohibits these actions upon herself for only one day as
per the tanna kamma. There those poskim like Ramban who hold according to
Rabbi Yosei and consider bathing and adorning to be vows that affect her alone.
Rambam includes bathing, but not adorning to be a vow that includes affliction.
The Shulkhan Arukh poskins “What are the things that involve bodily affliction?
Washing oneself, and donning adornments, painting the eyes and the cheeks. For
example, if she vowed not to have a bath or to adorn herself, or said that I forbid
myself the pleasure of bathing and adorning even for that day, since it is
possible that she won't do those things and not be betrothed, those are things
involving bodily afflictions, even though the vow is valid only for one day.
And there are those who say that bathing and adorning are (also) things that
come between him and her. Gloss: and all that only applies for beautification
of the face, but adornment of below (i.e., feet) everyone agrees that these are
not things that come between him and her.” (Yoreh De’ah 234:59; also see se’if 54)
No matter what type of vow a husband or wife takes that impacts their
relationship indicates that this is a dysfunctional couple. They definitely
need counseling.
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