Which vows a husband can annul TB Ketubot 71

 We began yesterday the seventh chapter of our massekhet. This chapter is devoted to vows husbands and wives make. These vows impose an obligation that impacts their relationship.

According to the Torah the husband has the right to annul his wife’s vows; however, if he doesn’t object to the vow, the vow stands. Remaining silent upon hearing the vow is understood as not objecting to the vow. “If she should become someone’s [wife] while her vow or the commitment to which she bound herself is still in force, and her husband learns of it and offers no objection on the day he finds out, her vows shall stand and her self-imposed obligations shall stand. But if her husband restrains her on the day that he learns of it, he thereby annuls her vow which was in force or the commitment to which she bound herself; and YHVH will forgive her.—” (Numbers 30:7-9)

Today’s daf TB Ketubot 71 by quoting  Nedarim 79a teaches that there are some vows that husband does have the power to annul and there are some vows he does not have the power to annul. “These are the cases of a wife’s vow that the husband may nullify: Cases of vows that involve affliction, such as when the woman says: If I bathe, I forbid myself to benefit from it; or if she says: If I do not bathe, i.e., she vows not to bathe at all; or she vows: If I adorn myself (with perfumes. Perfumes were used the same way we use deodorants.-gg); or vows: If I do not adorn myself, all of which cause her to suffer. Rabbi Yosei said: These are not vows of affliction, which the husband may nullify, but rather, these, i.e., the following, are vows of affliction: Such as when she vows that I will not eat meat, or that I will not drink wine, or even that I will not adorn myself with colored garments, as not wearing colored garments can cause shame to her as well as to her husband. But vows that affect her alone are not considered vows of affliction.” (Sefaria.org translation)

At least to the tanna kamma vows that involve affliction like refusing to bathe will impact the bedroom marital relations, as you can well imagine. According to Jewish law a husband may annul his wife’s vows that involve affliction. These kind of vows include not to wash nor to adorn even if she prohibits these actions upon herself for only one day as per the tanna kamma. There those poskim like Ramban who hold according to Rabbi Yosei and consider bathing and adorning to be vows that affect her alone. Rambam includes bathing, but not adorning to be a vow that includes affliction.

The Shulkhan Arukh poskins “What are the things that involve bodily affliction? Washing oneself, and donning adornments, painting the eyes and the cheeks. For example, if she vowed not to have a bath or to adorn herself, or said that I forbid myself the pleasure of bathing and adorning even for that day, since it is possible that she won't do those things and not be betrothed, those are things involving bodily afflictions, even though the vow is valid only for one day. And there are those who say that bathing and adorning are (also) things that come between him and her. Gloss: and all that only applies for beautification of the face, but adornment of below (i.e., feet) everyone agrees that these are not things that come between him and her.” (Yoreh De’ah 234:59; also see se’if 54)

No matter what type of vow a husband or wife takes that impacts their relationship indicates that this is a dysfunctional couple. They definitely need counseling.