Not much is known about the life of Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov who was a first century tanna. “It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Shimon ben Azzai said: I found a scroll recording people’s lineages, in Jerusalem…and it was written in it: The teachings of Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov measure only a kav (a small measure-gg) but are clean and accurate, and so the halakha is decided in accordance with his opinions.” (TB Yevamot 49b, Sefaria.org translation) Four times on today’s daf TB Yevamot 37 Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov comments on people who are sexually irresponsible.
The first case concerns a surviving brother, yavam, who jumps the gun and performs yibum, levirate marriage, instead of waiting. If a yavam acts irresponsibly and doesn’t wait for three months before he takes his deceased brother’s widow as his yevama, the childless widow, and discovers that she’s pregnant. “The mishna states that the child of the yevama has unflawed lineage since regardless of whether it is the offspring of the deceased husband or the yavam, there was no transgression involved in its conception. With regard to this case, the Sages taught in a baraita: The first child is even fit to become a High Priest. However, since it is possible that the child is the offspring of the deceased husband, in which case the widow remains forbidden to the yavam as his brother’s wife, if she has a second child with her yavam then that child is a mamzer due to an uncertainty with regard to his status. Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov says: One is not rendered a mamzer due to uncertainty. (מַמְזֵר מִסָּפֵק)” (Sefaria.org translation
Abaye understands Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov to mean that a mamzer due to uncertainty is a mamzer in all respects. Although a Jew is forbidden to marry a mamzer, he may marry another mamzer. Rava understands a mamzer due to uncertainty always remains a mamzer due to uncertainty. He can’t marry a Jew for perhaps he is a mamzer and he can’t marry another mamzer because perhaps he a kosher Jew and all respects.
The second case concerns free love. “As it is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov says: With regard to one who engaged in intercourse with and impregnated many women, but he does not know with which women he had intercourse, and similarly, with regard to a woman, if many men had intercourse with her and she became pregnant, but she does not know from which man she received the seed that caused her to become pregnant, since the identities of the parents of those children are not known, it could emerge that a father marries his daughter, and a brother marries his sister. And in this way, the entire world could become filled with mamzerim. And concerning this, it is stated: “And lest the land become full of lewdness” (Leviticus 19:29).” (Sefaria.org translation)
The third case limits the permissibility of polygamy. “The Gemara cites the continuation of the baraita: Furthermore, Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov said that even in marriage, one should be careful not to create a situation that could lead to the birth of mamzerim. Therefore, a man should not marry a woman in this country and then go and marry another woman in a different country, lest a son from one marriage and a daughter from the other, unaware that they are both children of the same father, unite with one another, and it could emerge that a brother marries his sister, the children of whom would be mamzerim.” (Sefaria.org translation)
The fourth case teaches how we should enter a marriage. “The Gemara cites an additional statement of Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov: It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov says: A man should not marry his wife when at the same time his intention is to divorce her, because it is stated: “Do not devise evil against your neighbor, as he dwells securely with you” (Proverbs 3:29). It is wrong for one to intend to undermine the feelings of security that another has with him.” (Sefaria.org translation)
Today a lot of people are afraid of commitment. I once read a joke where a man proposes to his girlfriend saying, “Will you please be my first wife?” One of the books I insist brides and grooms whom I marry read is Take Back Your Marriage by William J Doherty, PhD. For marriage to succeed over the long term he says it must be an intentional marriage. He writes:
“What do I mean by an intentional marriage? It’s one where the partners are conscious, deliberate, and plan for about maintaining and building their commitment and connection over the years. They see themselves as active citizens of their marriage rather than as passive consumers of marital services. A lot goes into being intentional about marriage. I place special emphasis on three aspects: a rock solid commitment to the marriage, a reservoir of marital rituals of connection and intimacy, and a supportive community. There are other ways to be intentional as well, such as developing good communication skills and constructive ways to argue and deal with conflict. In this era, if we are not intentional, we will become a consumer couple that has bought the boat and expects love, good intentions, and the river to do the rest.” (Page 10)
I highly recommend this book to
everybody no matter how long or short you’ve been married.
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