Good advice when comes to marry more than one woman TB Yevamot 43

The Mishnah on the bottom of daf TB Yevamot 43a presents a case where four brothers who were married to four women and all died without children, the oldest surviving brother may perform yibum with all four widows. The Gemara on today’s daf TB Yevamot 44 asks “really?” This doesn’t seem to be such a good idea. Consequently, the bet din, court, tries to dissuade the yavam from carrying out his plan of marrying all four widows.

“The mishna continues: If the eldest of them wished to consummate the levirate marriage with all of his yevamot, he has permission to do so. The Gemara asks: Do they actually leave him to do so? Isn’t it taught in a baraita: The verse states: “And the Elders of his city shall call him” (Deuteronomy 25:8), which indicates that they, the Elders, and not their agent, should call him. The verse continues: “And they speak to him”; this phrase teaches that they offer him advice that is appropriate for him.

“The baraita explains: Appropriate advice means that if he was a young man and she an elderly woman or if he was an elderly man and she a young woman, they say to him: What do you want with a young woman when you are elderly? Or: What do you want with an elderly woman when you are young? Go after your own kind, i.e., a woman of a similar age, and do not place discord in your household that could be caused by marrying a woman of a significantly different age. From the baraita it is apparent that if consummating the levirate marriage will ultimately lead to contention between the couple, it is preferable to perform ḥalitza. Similarly, in the case of the mishna, marrying four women will likely lead to contention since it is difficult to support so many people, and poverty will lead to strife. Therefore, the yavam should not be allowed to consummate levirate marriages with all of them.” (Sefaria.org translation) There is a reason why a co-wife is called a tzara (צָרָה). Perhaps you are more familiar with the Yiddish word tzuris which means troubles, walls, worries, and suffering.

But let’s say the man is rich and is able afford to keep four wives, what then? A husband obligates himself to his wife above and beyond her food and shelter. We shall learn in massekhet Ketubot that the groom obligates himself to provide food, clothing, and conjugal rights to his bride throughout their marriage. The rabbis even set a minimum amount of time depending on his job a man must be intimate with his wife. A sailor who is away from home for long stretches of time during the year, obviously cannot fulfill this obligation the same number times a rabbi who lives at home can. The Gemara says that the Mishna wants to give good advice why the number of four wives was chosen in light of his obligation to be intimate with each yevama.

“The Gemara qualifies the mishna’s case: No, it is necessary to teach that he has permission to consummate the levirate marriage with all of his yevamot in the case where it is possible for him to provide for all four women. The Gemara asks: If so, then the same should be true even if there are many more women as well; why does the mishna specifically discuss a case of four women? The Gemara explains: The mishna teaches us good advice; in a case of up to four women, yes, if he can provide for them then it is acceptable to marry all of them. But if there are any more than that, no, he should not, in order that he will be able to meet the conjugal rights of each woman at least once in each month. A Torah scholar is expected to provide conjugal relations once a week. If he marries no more than four women, then that will ensure that each of his wives will receive their conjugal rights at least once a month.” (Sefaria.org translation)

I still think that my father gave the best advice when comes to marry more than one woman. He always said, “Any man who marries more than one wife, deserves it.”