Correcting somebody is not a simple as you might think TB Shabbat 55

We learned in the Mishnah on daf TB Shabbat 54b that “Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya’s cow would go out on Shabbat with a strap between its horns, contrary to the will of the Sages.” (Sefaria.org translation) For Rabbi Elazar ben Azariya to act contrary to the will the sages is very strange to understand. If you remember when we studied massechet Berachot Rabbi Elazar ben Azariya was appointed Nasi the head of the Jewish people when he was 18 years old. (See TB Berachot 27b-28a)  The notion that the Nasi would violate Shabbat is inconceivable. The Gemara explicates this difficulty “It was taught in the Tosefta: The cow was not his; rather, it was his neighbor’s. And because he did not protest her conduct and tell her that doing so is prohibited the cow was called by his name to his discredit, as if it were his.” (Sefaria.org translation)  Rabbi Elazar ben Azariya didn’t observed a mitzvah that is found in this week’s Torah portion Acharei Mot-Kedoshim. We are commanded to “reprove your kinsman but incur no guilt because of him.” (Leviticus 19:17)

Today’s daf TB Shabbat 55 continues to investigate this mitzvah to reprove your neighbor. “With regard to the issue of reprimand, it was related that Rabbi Zeira said to Rabbi Simon: Let the Master reprimand the members of the house of the Exilarch, as Rabbi Simon had some influence over them. Rabbi Simon said to him: They will not accept reprimand from me. Rabbi Zeira said to him: Let my master reprimand them even if they do not accept it.” (Sefaria.org translation) Tosefot comments that we are only obligated to reprove somebody if there is a chance that he will listen. If we are absolutely sure that the person won’t listen we shouldn’t reprove him as it is taught in TB Beitza 30a “Rather, the accepted principle is: Leave the Jews alone; it is better that they be unwitting sinners and not be intentional sinners. If people engage in a certain behavior that cannot be corrected, it is better not to reprove them, as they are likely to continue regardless of the reproof, and then they will be sinning intentionally. It is therefore preferable for them to be unaware that they are violating a prohibition and remain merely unwitting sinners.” (Sefaria.org translation)

In his book Love Your Neighbor Rabbi Zelig Pliskin dedicates over 12 pages explicating how one should observe this mitzvah of correcting somebody. I like to share some insights he brings from our tradition when it comes to reproving somebody.

“We are commanded to correct someone who behaves improperly, whether in matters pertaining to man’s relationship with God or with man’s relationship with his fellow man. (Chinuch 239)

“A person should correct his own faults before he corrects others (Bava Batra 60b) this does not free us from rebuking others; rather, it obligates us to correct ourselves first.

“The most important rule to remember about rebuke is that it must be administered with love and as painlessly as possible. Only when the recipient of rebuke feels that the rebuker loves him, will he readily accept the admonition.

“When you rebuke someone, you must do so privately so as not to embarrass him. This applies both when the matter pertains to his having wronged you, and when the matter pertains to his improper behavior as regards his obligations to God. (Rambam, Hilchot Daot 6:7)

“Even when you rebuke someone privately, you must be very careful not to shame him. (Rambam, Hilchot Daot 6:8)

“If a person you have reviewed did not heed you the first time, you should continue to rebuke him as many times as necessary until he corrects his ways. (Rambam, Hilchot Daot 6:7)  The Talmud says, ‘Even 100 times’ (TB Bava Metzia 31a)

“The Chofetz Chayim gives an analogy to someone who sells apples from a stand. He will keep calling out, ‘Apples for sale!’ the entire day. Even if only one passerby in 100 he needs his sales pitch, it is worthwhile. This is his livelihood, and he cannot afford to remain silent. The same is true of rebuke. Of course, a person does not always effect change in the recipient of his rebuke. But even if he is successful only occasionally, it is worth his efforts. Chofetz Chayim al HaTorah, on this verse.” (Quoted from Love Your Neighbor, pages 278-292)