We are quickly coming to the conclusion of massekhet Keddushin. For some unknown reason to me, the Gemara appends two topics unrelated to kiddushin at the end of our massekhet. Today’s daf TB Kiddushin 80 deals with the laws prohibiting men and women other than married to each other from being together (yikhud-יִחוּד). Although the ultra-Orthodox and a former vice president refrain from being alone with women other than their wives, for us moderns these laws seem archaic and not applicable. We understand this sugiyah, I turn to my friend, colleague, and teacher Judith Hauptman to explicate our daf. She writes:
The key set of statements on the topic of relations between the sexes appears in chapter 4 of Tractate Kiddushin. After dealing with lineage and with appropriate and inappropriate marital unions, the Mishnah moves on to another topic altogether, relationships between men and women who are not married to each other.
A man may not be alone with two
women [neither of whom is married to him], but a woman may be alone with two
men [neither of whom is married to her].
R. Simon says: A man may even be
alone with two women, as long as his wife is with him, and he may sleep with
them at an inn, because his wife watches over him [and will not allow him to
engage either of the two women who are not married to him in sexual relations].
He [i.e., any male] may be alone with his mother and his daughter and lie in bed with them in physical contact. Once they grow up [the boy who lies in bed with his mother or the girl who lies in bed with her father], she must sleep in her garment [כסותה] and he in his [but they may still lie in the same bed]. (M Kiddushin 4:12)
The first part of the mishnah states the well-known rule that men and women may not be alone together, but it distinguishes between prohibiting one man from being alone with several women and permitting one woman to be alone with several men. If we read this part of the mishnah independently of its context, at least two reasons for the distinction come to mind: Either men need to be protected from being seduced by women, or women need to be protected from being seduced by men. In order to find out which of these explanations is right, we need to read these rules in the context of those that follow.
The second clause of the mishnah, about relations between family members, makes the assumption that a father is not aroused sexually by sleeping naked in the same bed as his young daughter, with their bodies touching, that a young boy is not aroused by sleeping together with his mother, nor, we may assume, is a mother aroused by her young son. That is, immature bodies do not bring about sexual arousal in others or experience it themselves. But once a man matures physically, he will experience involuntary sexual arousal if he is in close physical contact with either his mother or a physically mature daughter. Therefore, although they may still sleep in the same bed, they may not do so naked, but each wrapped in his or her own garment.
This second part of the mishnah sheds light on the first. In this second case, the father, mother, son, or daughter is not intent on enticing anyone to engage in a sexual act. The mishnah is dealing with a situation, in this case a family bed, in which a man will, without intending to, find himself sexually aroused by sleeping in bodily contact with a naked woman, even his own mother or daughter. The mishnah’s law offers advice on how to avoid such arousal: Have each of them wrap themselves in his or her own blanket-like garment.
It follows that the first part of the mishnah, men and women finding themselves alone with each other, is also describing a situation in which men are not actively trying to entice women, nor are women actively trying to entice men. Even so, men will find themselves aroused sexually simply by being secluded with women. To guard a man from interacting sexually with an unattended woman, a likely outcome of their being alone together, the mishnah recommends that he make sure another man or else his own wife is present. The juxtaposition of these two sections within one mishnah makes it very unlikely that in the first part women are actively trying to seduce men whereas in the second men are trying to contend with involuntary sexual arousal. Since, in addition, the second part of the mishnah uses the same key term as the first part—“to be alone with” [להתיחד עם]—they constitute one literary unit on the topic of seclusion, involuntary sexual arousal and its routine consequence, illicit sexual activity.
Note that this mishnah is written with a man’s concerns in view. It is he who will find himself unable to resist sexual temptation when in the presence of an unattended woman or women. For the mishnah, sexual arousal in these circumstances is natural, uncomplicated, involuntary, and perceived of as bad only if it leads a man into sexual transgression. To prevent him from engaging in a sexual act when alone with a woman, the mishnah forbids a man from allowing himself to be found in such a situation.
The reason that two men may be alone
with one woman but two women may not be alone with one man has to do with a
man’s controlling his instincts: In both cases a female presence excites a man,
but in the first instance, the presence of someone else like himself will
inhibit him from pursuing gratification, whereas in the second, in the presence
of women only, he will not be embarrassed to carry out his sexual design. https://www.sefaria.org/Rereading_the_Rabbis%3B_A_Woman's_Voice%2C_2_Relations_Between_the_Sexes.9-16?lang=bi
No comments:
Post a Comment