A man went to his rabbi for counseling. In his hands were pages of complaints against his wife. After hours of uninterrupted listening, the rabbi couldn’t help but ask, “If she is that bad, why did you marry her?” Immediately the man shot back, “She wasn’t like this at first!” The rabbi, unable to hold back his thoughts, asked, “So, are you saying that she is like this because she’s been married to you?”
Whether or not this story is true, it does
suggest an important lesson to be learned. At times, feelings toward a spouse
may grow cold. But love is much more than feelings—it’s a commitment.
Although most people choose to marry only
because of love, in some sectors of our people, couples still get married
through matchmaking. In this week’s parasha, Chayai Sarah, for Isaac and
Rebekah, love came after marriage. It says in chapter 24 that Isaac
married Rebekah and then he loved her (v.67).
Love is about our willingness to do what is
good for another. The Talmud teaches “A
man must always be exceedingly careful to show honor to his wife” (Beva Mezia
59a and “a man should love his wife as himself and honor her more than
himself.” (Yevamot 62b) Although the Talmud frames the relationship from the
husband’s perspective, in today’s egalitarian world I would say that all
partners in a marriage need to follow the Talmud’s advice.
By embracing and nurturing the promises made underneath the huppah, the marriage canopy and living an intentional committed marriage, all who know the couple will call them truly blessed.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Gary Greene
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