The rabbis in the Talmud deliberate on all aspects of life; consequently, we shouldn’t be surprised that they also discuss sex. The rabbis on today’s daf TB Nedarim 20 turned their attention to the relationship between husband and wife. Statements by Rabbi Aḥa, son of Rabbi Yoshiya and Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Dehavai sound downright puritanical in our modern ears. However, their views are rejected. “Rabbi Yoḥanan said: That is the statement of Yoḥanan ben Dehavai. However, the Rabbis said: The halakha is not in accordance with the opinion of Yoḥanan ben Dehavai.” (Sefaria.org translation) Husband and wife may engage in sex in any way they desire. For an in-depth analysis of all these discussions about sex, I recommend Rabbi Amy Scheinerman’s book The Talmud of Relationships, Volume 1, God, Self, and Family, Chapter 6 Affirming Our Sexuality: Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Nedarim 20a-20b, pages 123-144.
“On the basis of a verse from the
prophet Ezekiel that speaks of purging rebels and transgressors from among the
Jewish people, R Levi supplies a list of nine middot that render sex between a husband and wife, legally joined
in marriage and alone in the bedroom, nonetheless impermissible by halakhah.
The term middot generally connotes
character traits, but here are the ‘nine characteristics’ speak to the
emotional situation of the couple: the state of mind of the husband and wife.
The rabbis concern is not the act
(i.e. how the couple engages in sex)
but whether they may be intimate at all.” (The Talmud of Relationships, Volume
1, God, Self, and Family by Rabbi Amy Scheinerman, page 138)
“The verse states: “And I will
purge out from among you the rebels, and those that transgress against Me”
(Ezekiel 20:38). Rabbi Levi said: These are children of those who have nine
traits, who are defective from their conception and from whom rebels and
transgressors emerge. The mnemonic for these nine traits is children of
the acronym aleph, samekh, nun, tav, mem,
shin, gimmel, ayin, ḥet.
“The children
of nine traits are as follows: Children of fear [eima], i.e.,
where the wife was afraid of her husband and engaged in sexual intercourse with
him out of fear; children of a woman who was raped [anusa]; children
of a hated woman [senua], i.e., a woman who was hated by her husband;
children of ostracism [niddui], i.e., one of the parents was
ostracized by the court; children of substitution [temura], i.e.,
while engaging in intercourse with the woman, the man thought that she was
another woman; children of strife [meriva], i.e., the parents
engaged in intercourse while they were quarreling; children of drunkenness [shikhrut],
i.e., the parents engaged in intercourse while they were drunk; children of
a woman who was divorced in the heart [gerushat halev], i.e., the
husband had already decided to divorce her when they engaged in intercourse; children
of mixture [irbuveya], i.e., the man did not know with which woman
he was engaging in intercourse; children of a shameless woman [ḥatzufa]
who demands of her husband that he engage in intercourse with her.” (Sefaria.org translation)
Rabbi
Scheinerman comments: “It has frequently been claimed that sex is the glue that
strengthens relationships and holds marriages together. At the same time,
sexual incompatibility or dissatisfaction is often cited as a leading
contributor to divorce. A closer look at the shoals in which marriages founder,
however, reveals more nuanced factors-communication problems, a power
imbalance, problems with ‘roles’ and unmet expectations, loss of intimacy, and
the inability to resolve conflicts-all of which affect a couple’s sexual
relationship.
“Consider
these factors with respect to R. Levi’s nine middot: could they result in the middot R. Levi delineates? Given that sex can either be the glue or
the shoals, does the Rabbi’s view of sex promote one or the other?” Ibid., pages
143-144)
No comments:
Post a Comment