Daf TB Yevamot 63 contains a lot of famous rabbinic sayings about husbands and wives. Not all the sayings are positive. I think is more an indication of the relationship of the rabbi and his wife than Judaism’s approach to marriage. I’ll just share a few of the famous positive ones.
“The Sages taught: One who
loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than
himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who
marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about
him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a
result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of
quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives
close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is
fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife, and who
lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse
states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He
will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9).
And Rabbi Elazar said: What is the meaning of that
which is written: “I will make him a helpmate for him [kenegdo]” (Genesis 2:18)? If one is worthy
his wife helps him; if he is not worthy she is against him.
And some say a slightly different version: Rabbi Elazar
raised a contradiction: It is written in the Torah with a spelling that
allows it to be read: Striking him [kenagdo], and we read it as
though it said: For him [kenegdo]. If he is worthy she is for
him as his helpmate; if he is not worthy she strikes him…
“Rabbi Ḥama bar Ḥanina said: Once a man
marries a woman his iniquities crumble [mitpakekin], as it is stated:
“Whoever finds a wife finds good, and obtains [veyafek] favor of the
Lord”
(Proverbs 18:22). In
the West, i.e., Eretz Yisrael,
when a man married a woman they would say to him as follows: Matza or
motze? In other words, they would ask the groom if the appropriate
passage for his wife is that verse, which begins with the word matza,
as it is written: Whoever finds [matza] a wife finds good, or
whether the more appropriate verse is the one beginning with the word motze,
as it is written: “And I find [motze] more bitter than death the woman”
(Ecclesiastes 7:26).” (Sefaria.org translation)
Today’s daf also quotes Ben Sira[1]
on the matter of a good wife versus a bad one. As long as the Gemara is quoting
one passage, it quotes another which I believe provides a healthy approach to
living life in the moment and not worrying about a future that may or may not
occur.
“The Gemara quotes additional statements
from the book of Ben Sira: Do
not suffer from tomorrow’s trouble, that is, do not worry about problems
that might arise in the future, as you do not know what a day will bring.
Perhaps when tomorrow comes, the individual who was so worried will not
be among the living, and he was consequently upset over a world that
is not his.…” (Sefaria.org translation)
My brother George z”l introduce me to the wisdom of the
ToDo Institute. I like to share a short lecture (only eight minutes long) by
Gregg Krech who reinforces Ben Sira’s wisdom.
[1] We
have met Ben Sira before. To refresh your memory go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Sira
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