Defeating Lonliness TB Pesakhim 73

With daf TB Pesakhim 73 we finish the sixth chapter of our massekhet. At the very bottom of yesterday’s daf and continuing to the very top of today’s daf, we read about a very short but interesting story about the importance of community.

“There was an incident involving Rabbi Tarfon, who did not come in the evening to the study hall. In the morning, Rabban Gamliel found him and said to him: For what reason did you not come in the evening to the study hall? He said to him: I was performing sacred service. He said to him: All your words are astonishing; from where do we have service in this time after the destruction of the Temple? He said to him: It says in Scripture: I have given you the priesthood as a service of gift; and the stranger that comes near shall be put to death” (Numbers 18:7). This verse is found in the context of the priestly gifts, including teruma, and comes to teach us that they made the eating of teruma in the outlying areas, i.e., outside the Temple, like the service of the Temple.” (Sefaria.org translation)

Rabbi Tarfon was part of the community and his absence was noticed. We have learned how important community truly is. Loneliness contributes more to a person death than most diseases. Dacher Keltner writes about the consequences of the absence of community in the preface of the book The Power of Ritual by Casper Ter Kuile:

"People feel the absence of community. Studies find that the average citizen of the US, and likely the world, is lonelier than ever before. People have fewer friends. They spend an inordinate amounts of time commuting in the car or scrolling through online feeds. People feel less trust for their fellow citizens and work harder than before. The technologies many of us greeted with such enthusiasm a decade ago are now proving not to be the utopian, digital new world of connecting and sharing but a different kind of new world defined by anxiety, loneliness, and less comparing oneself to others, and perhaps surveillance. Our era of fragmentation is paved the way for an era of anxiety.

"Over the 20 years of this engagement (teaching the science of happiness at University of California, Berkeley and online), I have been asked one key question: how might I find deeper happiness?

"The science points 20 answer in the abstract: Find more community. Deepen your connections with others. Be with others in meaningful ways. Find rituals to organize your life. It will boost your happiness, give you greater joy, and even if 10 years to your life expectancy." (pages x-xi)

The synagogue provides a doorway to a meaningful community, whether it is through the means of prayer, study, or social action. When one becomes a regular just like Rabbi Tarfon he/she is appreciated and when  missing the absence is noticed. When the absence is noticed, people begin to worry and wonder where the person is. Inevitably phone calls are made to find out if everything’s okay and how can the synagogue help. Simple events are celebrated making the member feel loved. 

Just recently in my zoom evening minyan, a regular returned after a short stay in the hospital and was showered with a loving welcome back. Another member was celebrating her birthday and we all wished her a very happy birthday and many more right on the spot.  Members support and help one another. A woman joined our minyan to say kaddish. After a couple days one of our regulars volunteered to pick up our prayer book and deliver it to her door so she can easily follow the flow of our services. As the rabbi I try my best to call everybody in the congregation at least once a month just to touch base, check out how he/she is doing, and reduce the Covid induced isolation and loneliness.

I know that some synagogues are better at building community than others, but there is a synagogue out there that will be the type of community you long to belong to. Zoom has increased the chances that you will find the synagogue community that suits you because it has made what was physically impossible now virtually a reality. If I can paraphrase a commercial, today’s synagogue isn’t your father’s shul.