Should I listen to my parents? TB Baba Metzia 32

Although I grew up in a very proud Jewish home, it wasn’t very observant. We didn’t keep Shabbat nor kashrut. When I came home from a summer intensive Hebrew program that determined my placement in the Teachers Institute, now known as List College, of the Jewish theological seminary, I told my parents that I have decided to keep Shabbat and kashrut. That was 54 years ago and I have been a rabbi for 46 years. Consequently, I no longer consider myself anymore a blt, ba’al teshuvah, and newly observant Jew. I was very lucky that my parents put up with all my newfound religion and accommodated me to the best of their ability. Not all my friends were so lucky. Today’s daf TB Baba Metzia 32 deals with the conflict between observing the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents by listening to them who tell you not to observe Jewish laws. What should the poor child do when such a conflict?

“§ The mishna teaches: And if the animal was lost in a graveyard and was found by a priest, he may not become impure to return it. In a case where a priest’s father said to him: Become impure, or in a case where one was obligated to return the animal and his father said to him: Do not return it, he may not listen to his father. The Gemara cites a baraita in which the Sages taught: From where is it derived that if a priest’s father said to him: Become impure, or that if one’s father said to him: Do not return a lost item that you found; he should not listen to him? It is derived from the verse, as it is stated: “Every man shall fear his mother and his father, and you shall observe My Shabbatot; I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:3). From the fact that the verse concludes: “I am the Lord,” it is derived that: You are all, parent and child alike, obligated in My honor. Therefore, if a parent commands his child to refrain from observing a mitzva, he must not obey the command.

“The Gemara infers: The reason that a priest must not obey his father’s command to become impure is because the Merciful One writes: “You shall observe My Shabbatot; I am the Lord”; but if it were not so, I would say that the child must obey him. The Gemara asks: But why? This obligation to obey a parent is a positive mitzva, as it is written: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12), and that obligation of a priest to refrain from becoming impure is both a prohibition: “To the dead among his people he shall not defile himself” (Leviticus 21:1), and a positive mitzva: “You shall be holy” (Leviticus 19:2); and the principle is that a positive mitzva does not come and override a prohibition and a positive mitzva.

"The Gemara answers that the derivation from “You shall observe My Shabbatot; I am the Lord” was necessary, as it might enter your mind to say: Since honoring one’s father and mother is equated to the honor of the Omnipresent, as it is stated here: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12), and it is stated elsewhere: “Honor the Lord with your wealth” (Proverbs 3:9), therefore, one might have thought that the priest must obey his father’s command to become impure. Therefore the Torah teaches us that the priest is commanded not to listen to him.” (Sefaria.org translation)

The answer is clear. One should not listen to a parent who tells the child not observe a mitzvah. Nevertheless, the child should decline respectfully.