With daf TB Nedarim we conclude the ninth chapter of our massekhet. It ends by telling stories from the lives of the rabbis. I want to share with a story of Rabbi Yehuda bar Ilai and Rabbi Shimon bar Yokhai.
“The Gemara
relates: There was a certain person who said to his wife: Benefiting
from me is konam for you until you have given Rabbi Yehuda (bar Ilai-gg) and Rabbi Shimon (bar
Yokhai-gg) your cooked food to taste, so they can see for
themselves what a bad cook you are. She brought the food to them, and Rabbi
Yehuda tasted it, without concern for his honor. He said: This is an
a fortiori inference: And what can be seen, that in
order to make peace between a man and his wife, the Torah said: My name,
that is written in sanctity, shall be blotted out in the waters that curse,
as the words written on a scroll, including the name of God, were blotted out
during the ceremony of preparing the water that a sota (a woman
suspected of adultery; see Numbers 5:11-31 if-gg) would drink. And this is so
even in a case of where it is uncertain if this will bring peace
between them, as she may or not be guilty of adultery. I, all the more so,
should waive my honor in order to bring peace to this couple.
“Conversely, Rabbi
Shimon did not taste. He said: Let all the children of the widow die, and
Shimon will not budge from his place. In other words, the husband can die
and leave his wife a widow and his children orphans, and let them die too,
rather than have people belittle the dignity of Torah scholars by taking such
vows. And furthermore, there is another reason for my refusal: So
that they should not become used to taking vows.” (Sefaria.org translation)
Rabbi Shimon bar Yokhai was one of
Rabbi Akiva’s outstanding students. Rabbi Akiva only gave semikha, ordination with the title of Rabbi, to Meir and Shimon bar
Yokhai. “Conscious of his own merit, Shimon felt hurt at
being ranked after Meir, and Akiva was compelled to soothe him with soft words.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shimon_bar_Yochai) Although
this article cites The Yerushalmi Terumot 46b; Yerushalmi Sanhedrin 1
19a as the source for the sentence, I couldn’t find it. Perhaps when I
go home and take out my copy of the Yerushalmi, I can locate these sources.
Nevertheless, this imagined slight must be the reason why he was so sensitive
to his honor. That poor woman did nothing wrong, but she and her children bears
Rabbi Shimon bar Yokhai’s ire. Besides, how will punishing her affect her husband’s
proclivity to make vows?!
Although Rabbi Yehuda
was known for his extreme piety, this story demonstrates his compassion by
foregoing his honor so that the woman will be reconciled with her husband.
The carrot or the stick?
Compassion or mean-spirited? In his Mishneh Torah Rambam chooses Rabbi Yehuda’s
compassionate approach over Rabbi Shimon’s harsh response. “Even though a
Torah sage may place a person under a ban of ostracism [to preserve] his honor,
it is not praiseworthy for a sage to accustom himself to this practice.
Instead, he should turn his ears from the words of the common people and not
pay attention to them, as Solomon said in his wisdom [Ecclesiastes 7:21]: ‘Also,
do not pay heed to all the words that are spoken.’
This was the practice of the pious of the early generations. They would hear
their shame and not answer. Furthermore, they would pardon and forgive the
person who insulted them. The great sages would take pride in their pleasant
deeds, relating that they never issued a ban of ostracism or excommunication
[to protect] their honor. This is the path of the sages which is worthy of
being followed.” Talmud Torah 7:13)
Even though Rambam says this behavior applies only when [the person] spurned or embarrassed
[the sage] in private, I agreed with Michelle Obama when she said, “when they
go low, we go higher.” She clarified her words by saying, “Going high means finding the purpose in your rage. Rage
without reason, without a plan, without direction is just more rage. And we’ve
been living in a lot of rage. She added that going low is “unsustainable” and
explained: “If going low worked, we’d do it. It might be a ‘quick fix’ but it
doesn’t fix anything over the long term.” (https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/michelle-obama-stephen-colbert-catchphrase-b2225386.html)
I
rather be known as a compassion person over an egotistical revengeful person.
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