Transforming sibling rivalry #Beraisheet#devartorah#parashathashavua

My four sons are about 2 ½ years apart in age. Growing up they were quite “competitive” (translation: they fought). Judy and I understood because we both grew up with brothers. At times my children’s story felt like it fit in the book of Genesis, which might well be subtitled A Brief History of Sibling Rivalry. Cain and Abel (Genesis 4); Isaac and Ishmael (21:8-10); Jacob and Esau (27:41); and Joseph and everyone not named Benjamin (chapter 37).

In this week’s Torah portion, Beraisheet, we learned that both Cain and Abel brought offerings to God. The basic difference was that Cain’s offering was of an inferior quality, while Abel’s offering was of the highest quality. Got accepted Abel’s offering and not Cain’s. Immediately the Torah records: “Cain was much distressed and his face fell. And GOD said to Cain, “Why are you distressed, and why is your face fallen?  Surely, if you do right, There is uplift.” (Genesis 4:5-7)

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin comments: “Cain was eaten up with envy over his brother's success and felt embarrassed and humiliation that his own offering was rejected. The Almighty told him that his reaction was inappropriate. When you can correct your mistakes and omissions it is improper to waste time suffering over the past. What is appropriate is to try to make the necessary corrections in the future. (Sforno)” Growth through Torah, page 24)

Happily for us our tradition points the way out of the morass of sibling rivalry. Our High Holidays teach us that teshuva, repentance over past faults and mistakes, and forgiveness can restore our relationships. Leviticus 19:18, 34 enjoins love for one’s fellow and of the stranger as a mitzvah. Aaron the High Priest serves as a role model for us. “Hillel would say, ‘Be of the followers of Aaron, loving peace, pursuing peace, loving your fellow human beings and bringing them to Torah.’” (Pirke Avot 1:12)

As my sons grew over, they have become close, inviting each other over to the homes to celebrate holidays together. Thank God, our sibling rivalries can transform into brotherly love when we live up to our tradition’s aspirations for us.