A yes is say yes and no is a no TB Eruvin 100

The Torah understands that the mitzvah of marriage is more than just for the purpose of procreation. “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.’” (Genesis 2:18) Human beings are social animals and our partners fill the missing void in our lives. Judaism has always seen sexual pleasure and companionship as something good and positive even when the couple is beyond childbearing years. Consequently, how we treat our significant other is of utmost importance.

Today’s daf TB Eruvin 100 and Jewish law (Shulkhan Arukh, Orekh Hayyim, 240:10, Even Haezer, 25:2) are absolutely clear that within the marriage, sex between husband and wife has to be consensual. She cannot be forced to have intercourse. “And Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: Anyone who forces his wife to perform the conjugal mitzva will have unworthy children as a consequence. Rav Ika bar Ḥinnana said: What is the verse that alludes to this? “Also, that the soul without knowledge is not good” (Proverbs 19:2). If intercourse takes place without the woman’s knowledge, i.e., consent, the soul of the offspring will not be good.”

I know that Jewish husbands have not always lived up to the ideals of a Jewish marriage. At least today in the United States, women have recourse if they are sexually abused. “Marital rape in United States law, also known as spousal rape, is non-consensual sex in which the perpetrator is the victim's spouse. It is a form of partner rape, of domestic violence, and of sexual abuse. Today, marital rape is illegal in all 50 US states, though the details of the offence vary by state.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape_in_the_United_States#:~:text=Marital%20rape%20in%20United%20States,the%20offence%20vary%20by%20state.)

Although our classical sources speak about consensual sex within the context of a marriage of between a man and a woman, this approach has to be applied to all kinds of marriages and to unmarried consenting adults. Although the following guidelines were developed for the college campus where unfortunately date rape is too common and underreported, they can guide any kind of couple to have holy sex.

Definition of Affirmative Consent by the State University of New York for their students

Verbatim Language:

“Affirmative consent is a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity.  Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the sexual activity. Silence or lack of resistance, in and of itself, does not demonstrate consent. The definition of consent does not vary based upon a participant's sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.”

Additional Mandatory Language That May Be Worded as Appropriate for Each Institution:

Consent to any sexual act or prior consensual sexual activity between or with any party does not necessarily constitute consent to any other sexual act.

Consent is required regardless of whether the person initiating the act is under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Consent may be initially given but withdrawn at any time.

Consent cannot be given when a person is incapacitated, which occurs when an individual lacks the ability to knowingly choose to participate in sexual activity. Incapacitation may be caused by the lack of consciousness or being asleep, being involuntarily restrained, or if an individual otherwise cannot consent.  Depending on the degree of intoxication, someone who is under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or other intoxicants may be incapacitated and therefore unable to consent.

Consent cannot be given when it is the result of any coercion, intimidation, force, or threat of harm.

When consent is withdrawn or can no longer be given, sexual activity must stop. (https://system.suny.edu/sexual-violence-prevention-workgroup/policies/affirmative-consent/)