Families’ egos changed the custom Sanhedrin 19

Before the mourners leave the cemetery, the people attending the funeral stand in two rows facing each other. As the mourners walked between them, they comfort the mourners. The traditional words of comfort are “May God comfort you amongst all the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” Because Jerusalem is no longer destroyed, but a beautiful, bustling and growing city with a large Jewish population, I can no longer truthfully offer those traditional words. I asked my friend Rabbi Peretz Rodman who lives in Jerusalem for alternative words of comfort that match today’s reality. I use his suggestion. As the mourners walk in between the two lines, I instruct them to say “May God comfort you as He has comforted Zion and Jerusalem in our day.”

Today’s daf TB Sanhedrin 19 teaches that our custom isn’t the original custom of comforting mourners. Just the opposite occurred. “The Sages taught in a baraita: Initially the mourners would stand, and all the people would pass by one after another and console them.” (Sefaria.org translation) You would think people would put aside their egos and not argue in the cemetery after burying the dead. But we know from experience that some things never change. The Gemara explains why the custom changed to what we do today. “And there were two families in Jerusalem who would fight with each other, as this one would say: We pass by first because we are more distinguished and important, and that one would say: We pass by first. Consequently, they decreed that the people should stand and the mourners pass by, and disputes would be avoided.” (Sefaria.org translation)