How you say something is just as important as what you say TB Kiddushin 73

According to Jewish law who can marry whom is a very sensitive topic. The first Mishna in chapter 4 describes 10 different categories of lineages. “There were ten categories of lineage, with varying restrictions on marriage, among the Jews who ascended from Babylonia to Eretz Yisrael with Ezra before the building of the Second Temple. They are as follows: Priests; Levites; Israelites; priests disqualified due to flawed lineage [ḥalalim] (an example would be an offspring of a kohen and a divorced woman because the Torah forbids that marriage) ; converts, and emancipated slaves; mamzerim; Gibeonites, i.e., the descendants of the Gibeonites who converted in the time of Joshua; children of unknown paternity [shetuki]; and foundlings.” (Sefaria.org translation)

Today’s daf TB Kiddushin 73 discusses who a convert may marry. We have to remember three things. 1) A convert is a Jew who has all the obligations and privileges of a naturally born Jew. 2) A  mamzer (usually translated as a bastard in English) is a child of an adulterous relationship or of incest and not a child born out of wedlock. 3) For all intents and purposes, the laws discussed on the daf are not put into practice today.

What I want to highlight is how a person says something is as important as what he says. You want to make sure that your message can be heard.

“Rabbi Zeira taught in Meḥoza: It is permitted for a convert to marry a mamzeret. Everyone stoned him with their etrogim, since the many converts present were insulted by his statement, which they understood to mean that converts are not members of God’s congregation. Rava said: Is there a person who teaches such a matter in a place where there are commonly converts? He should have been more circumspect. Rava himself taught this in Meḥoza to ameliorate the situation: It is permitted for a convert to marry the daughter of a priest. They carried him on silk [beshira’ei] for elevating the honor of converts. He later taught them: It is permitted for a convert to marry a mamzeret. They said to him: You have forfeited the honor of your first sermon. Rava said to them: I have done for you what is good for you. If a convert wishes, he may marry from here, i.e., from those of pure lineage, and if he wishes, he may marry from here, i.e., a mamzeret.” Rabbi Zeira taught in Meḥoza: It is permitted for a convert to marry a mamzeret. Everyone stoned him with their etrogim, since the many converts present were insulted by his statement, which they understood to mean that converts are not members of God’s congregation. Rava said: Is there a person who teaches such a matter in a place where there are commonly converts? He should have been more circumspect. Rava himself taught this in Meḥoza to ameliorate the situation: It is permitted for a convert to marry the daughter of a priest. They carried him on silk [beshira’ei] for elevating the honor of converts. He later taught them: It is permitted for a convert to marry a mamzeret. They said to him: You have forfeited the honor of your first sermon. Rava said to them: I have done for you what is good for you. If a convert wishes, he may marry from here, i.e., from those of pure lineage, and if he wishes, he may marry from here, i.e., a mamzeret. (Sefaria.org translation)

Even if Rabbi Zeira teaching was correct, the townspeople of Meḥoza would abide by it because they felt insulted. The converts had every right to feel they were 100% Jewish because they were. At least Rava tried to teach the same halakha as Rabbi Zeira, but in a more palatable way. Rava explained that he was expanding the pool of eligible people they could marry. Were they mollified? Your guess is as good as mine.

 

“The Gemara concludes: And the halakha is: It is permitted for a convert to marry the daughter of a priest, and it is permitted for him to marry a mamzeret. It is permitted for a convert to marry the daughter of a priest, since women of unflawed lineage were not prohibited from marrying those disqualified for the priesthood. And it is permitted for him to marry a mamzeret, in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yosei,” (Sefaria.org translation)